The plans and the progress

I have plans, yes I do.  In fact, I love to plan.  Plan dinners, plan parties, plan trips.  I even have a plan for unspoiling.  Great plans, yes they are.  I am going to methodically go through every part of my house and get rid of STUFF and then not buy anymore STUFF.  It's a good plan, right? Yeah, I think so too.    Whew.  That's out of the way. The progress?  Like, how's it going?  Well, I haven't bought anything in 3 days.  That's pretty good.  As for the rest....not so well.  I guess follow through is a problem for me.  I look at my house and I just get overwhelmed.  I have no idea where to start or even how to start.  I've checked out different websites on how to do this and they sound good to read but when I have tried in the past to put them place I just haven't had any luck.  I do not fault the website as I know some that have had great luck with them.  I just really suck at it.  I've considered hiring someone to come in and do it for me but that feels a bit like cheating.  I think that if I don't do this mostly by myself it might not stick.  I'm afraid that if I try and I fail it's worse than not even trying.  Faulty logic, certainly, but reprogramming one's brain isn't easy.  

Black Friday Reality

This not buying is hard.  I haven't bought for 2 days and already I feel anxious.  These 2 days I have spent an enormous amount of time looking online and in catalogues at STUFF.  But it's only the things we need or could need or for Christmas so it's okay.  Chick1 and Chick2 (my girls) do NEED a couple of things.  Snowsuits for both, pants and underwear for Chick2.  I've been searching for the snowsuits.  This is the kind of purchase that is hard for me.  It gets cold here in the winter.  Like -40 cold.  They both walk to school so they need warm suits.  NEED them.  And yet the ones I want to buy are great quality and are even on sale so why don't I just get them?  It's not a good enough sale.  I want/need them to be cheaper.  It's killing me that I'm going to have to spend that much to get what we need.  In the end I will order them because I know it's worth it.  And besides, ordering them online means it gets shipped to my door.  And when that happens it's just like Christmas.  Breathe deep, baby, you'll feel better in just a minute.
I'm hoping to experience Black Friday shopping this year.  I've heard it's the ultimate in bargain shopping.  I'm dying to go.  I've got a few choices on where I could go.  Just 3 hours away is half decent US shopping, 8 hours is a great outlet mall, or Phoenix, where my parents have a house so I wouldn't have to pay for a hotel.  I've researched the cost of flying and rental car vs driving and paying for hotel.  It's close to the same.  Of course, if I drive I could by more and bigger b/c I wouldn't have to worry about taking it home on a plane.  I'm buzzing just thinking about it.   
As my buzz starts to wear off I remember reality.  Reality is that my kitchen is in desperate need of repair.  Reality is that I need to upgrade my schooling.  Reality, reality, reality.  Reality is Chick1 and Chick2.  

Getting high

I love a good deal.  It's my love, my desire, my compulsion, my obsession, my addiction.  I can't turn away from a good deal no matter where it is.  Stores, online, garage sales.  They are all my haunts.  I'm in constant search of something new, different, well reviewed and cheap.  Nothing gives me a bigger high then a great find.  If you could stand in our toy area I could tell you what I paid for almost everything in there.  For example, can you believe I bought a complete Blockus game for $1 at a garage sale?  And Apples to Apples jr for $1 at the same spot?  I was so excited.  Quality games for a steal.  I'm also a fanatical researcher.  I can sit and read reviews of products for hours.  So when I find something I've researched at an unbelievable price it is the ultimate high.  I can't wait to tell everyone.  I call my sisters, my mother, my friends.  I Facebook it, tweet it.  And every time that someone is surprised, jealous, comments it's like inhaling again.  Who needs drugs?  Just take a whiff of that deal.
I don't always need what I buy.  Actually, I rarely need what I buy.  But to walk away?  Too hard.  I can justify it.  I run a home daycare.  I like the daycare to have educational and interesting toys.  I can write them off on my business.  See, easy.
I know it has to stop.  There are lots of reasons.  I have a little house and it's bursting at the seams.  Oh, the money I will save.  The chaos in my house is causing me angst.  These are all valid points and reasons.  The biggest one of all is two little girls.  My highs are affecting them.  And I love them too much to continue.  So this is the Fall of their unspoiling.

Too much STUFF

My daughters are spoiled.  It's my fault and I'm taking ownership of it.  I'm just hoping I haven't realized this too late to do something about it.
I know that this didn't happen overnight and I have not been oblivious over the last 8 years.  But I didn't realize how bad it had gotten until the other day.   Brookes (my dear husband) went on a golf trip so I was single parenting.  I have been very lucky in my parenting life not to have had to single parent very often.  I give hats off to people that do it on a regular basis because it is not easy.  Anyway, we had a pretty good 5 days, the girls and I.  I knew there was a store clearing out toys so on the last solo night I took them and let them pick out a few toys each.  They were both so excited and told me how I was the best mom in the whole world.  Now, don't worry, my self esteem is not dependent on my children liking me.  Most of the time I'm the worst mom in the whole world and I'm okay with it.  Of course, a little adulation is nice some times.  Part of my buying them these toys was selfish.  I wanted a few minutes of peace and time to myself.  It didn't happen.  They argued and screamed and fought all morning.  I ended up yelling empty threats.  Not my best moment.  I took it all away and after they cleaned their rooms I kicked them outside.   As I scrubbed the kitchen floor a lot of stuff went through my head.  Why are they like this?  The neighbours girls aren't like this, at least not that I see.  What is the difference?  Then the clouds cleared and I realized that STUFF is the difference.  My girls just have too much stuff.  How can they possibly appreciate things when they have too many things to even look at?  They can't.  And the too much STUFF?  It's my fault.