How is it that we define ourselves? I've been pondering this for a couple of weeks. Do you define yourself by your religion - Christian, Catholic, Muslim, Jewish, Atheist? Is it your heritage - Scottish, Lebanese, Australian, Haitian? Is it your hair colour, eye colour, skin colour? Your education? Your job? Your children? Your body? My guess is that for most it is a little of everything and it is always changing. Everyday, every life experience must change the definition we have of ourselves. How could it not?
I wonder about pain. Do you think pain is part of the what defines us? I never thought I did until recently. I'm not a sick person. I've had my share of the regular stuff, of course. And, earlier this year, I was diagnosed with a blood disorder, ITP, which doesn't really bother me at all. But I've had joint pain a long time. Half my life at this point. No diagnosis, just annoying pain, always there in the back ground of my life. Two weeks ago I got a diagnosis of a degenerative connective tissue disorder. It's nice to know that I'm not crazy, I guess. It was a bit of a shock tho I don't know why. Anyway, I was given a type of medication that should help reduce my joint pain dramatically. Great news, right? It should be, for sure, so why am not taking the medication? Oh, I started to take it. But it made me feel nauseous. And I have to take it twice a day forever. And who am I if I don't have pain? I really think this is it. What if my pain goes away? My pain has defined my space for so long how will I know where my body begins and ends? Where my fingers connect to my hands, where my hands connect to my arms. My feet, ankles, knees, hips. If I don't feel all my joints all of the time how am I connected together? Does my pain define that much of me? Will I be a different person? It must change how I would define myself. But how could it be for the worse? Why am so afraid? Not sure, not sure.
